Journey to the center of my colon
Saturday, August 25th, 10:06 EST
Hello Reader!
I have some very exciting news. Because I have a family history of colorectal cancer, I get to have a colonoscopy on Monday, a full 10 years ahead of schedule! And that means that I get to do a bowel prep tomorrow. I am so optimistic about the prep that I plan to post about it as it happens–at least, to the extent that I am physically able. I’ve never laptopped on the potty before and tomorrow will probably be a sub-optimal time to start.
I have started by preparing the solution. The instructions literally state that I am to ”chug” 4 liters of this stuff, which is apparently going to make me poop with some velocity starting sometime tomorrow. I have carefully selected the pineapple flavoring and the solution is chilling in the fridge over night.
We have been through a lot together, Reader, so I will be glad to have your support as I take this amazing opportunity to cleanse my bowels. After all, celebrities pay huge sums of money for this type of service; whereas I get to do it for a small co-pay in the comfort of my own home.
Sunday, August 26th, 5:38 PM EST
Thirty minutes until I drink the first delightful, chilled, pineapple-flavored glass of TriLyte. I am visualizing a Pina Colada on the beach in Hawaii, and I’m just flush with anticipation! The bathroom has been stocked with super-soft toilet paper, baby wipes, and reading material. I am ready, reader!
Sunday, August 26th, 6:11 PM EST
First glass down the hatch. Chilling the solution definitely helped, because the taste is not as wonderful as I had hoped. Nine minutes of respite before the next glass.
Sunday, August 26th, 6:16 PM EST
Jumped the gun a bit and chugged the second glass because I felt it was better to get it over with. Good times!
Sunday, August 26th, 6:34 PM EST
Uh oh. Third glass was very difficult to get down. My stomach is super-full right now and I almost upchucked it. Nausea is attacking. I’d better wait the full 20 minutes before I attempt another one.
Sunday, August 26th, 7:03 PM EST
This stuff is hard to describe. Is Donald Rumsfeld aware of TriLyte? I would think that it might be superior to waterboarding. Bowels are definitely rumbling.
Sunday, August 26th, 7:44 PM EST
Almost done. I just picked myself back up after slithering down the kitchen counter onto the floor after the last two glasses in my attempt not to puke. My bowels are making some very aggressive noises and externally visible movements. I now hate pineapples, pines, and apples. I am finding that my usual energetic demeanor is waning. I feel like I’ve been tased.
Sunday, August 26th, 8:35 PM EST
My bowels have begun their prepping, but that’s not the bad thing, I swear. Rather, it’s the aftertaste of pineapple-flavored TriLyte. I will never be able to watch SpongeBob SquarePants with my kids without feeling the urge to vomit. Which really isn’t a complete change.
Sunday, August 26th, 10:00 PM EST
Bathroom is a crime scene. I have chills and nausea but I am pretty sure there is not a thing left in my colon. Goodnight, reader!
Monday, August 27th, 1:00 PM EST
Propofol is, in fact, a wonderful drug. And my colon is polyp-free, so all is well!
Chilling it overnight and chugging it as quickly as you can without risking it coming up again go a long way in reducing your exposure to the revolting flavour. Good luck – it’s quite the experience!
Thanks for the support, biscuit! Good times ahead, I just know it!
Dear hubby went through that recently. He sat in the basement and watched DVDs in very close proximity to the bathroom. He tried going to bed, but it did not happen. At sometime during the wee hours of the morning he made it to the recliner in the living room, where he finally got a couple of hours of sleep before I drove him to the clinic.
I heard recently that some pills have been developed for the bowel prep. If someone can make this process more palatable, they are Nobel Prize-worthy.
Okay, did the gastroenterologist find one cancerous polyp that was removed? Seriously, this seems to be a common result.
Hahaha, no! Clean colon for me. I guess I forgot to update my colon post…will have to get on that!
If you thought this was fun, try prepping a three year old for a colonoscopy. It was one of the worst things ever. We had to fight her to get her to drink the stuff, and then her Pull-ups wouldn’t contain the mess. No one slept that night. I have pics of her colon and the bleeding polyp that was removed for her baby book, though.
Oh, Becky! I am so sorry! Yes, I am ashamed for even complaining after what you went through.
I’ve got a family history of oesophageal cancer (dad, dead at 51) and colon cancer too (brother, dead at 41), and I’ve just had my double-ender (gastroscopy and colonoscopy) recently. I spent about 3 months dreading it as it was my second one and I knew what I was in for, and the last month trying to forget about it for the next five years. Just one polyp for me, but it wasn’t a nasty one. I used heaps of ice in the prep and ginger cordial to mask the taste. I got it down without barfing, but it’s put me off ginger for life! Glad all was well for you.
Oh dear, I’m so sorry about your family history Kysa. Glad you had just the one polyp. As bad as the bowel prep is, the screening is definitely worth it, esp. for those with the family hx.
Oh man! Having had a colonoscopy myself in 2008, I totally feel your pain regarding the prep for it. I had the worst RLQ pain, and went to the ER thinking that I had a clear case of appendicitis. I figured a lap appy was all I needed to recover from the blasted pain that had me doubled over in discomfort. But oh no… I had an unexpected bowel perforation, ended up hospitalized and needed a colonoscopy. Long story short, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease as the biopsy was positive. Since then, I take once a day Lialda (mesalamine) and it has been working well for me.
I’m due to have another colonoscopy next year, and I cringe at the thought. Whoever named it GOLYTELY, clearly never tried the prep themselves. If they did, they’d realize what an oxymoron of a name it is. Thanks to this lovely prep, my toilet and I became the best of friends. I suspect we will be bonding again, come next summer, when the blessed event has to take place yet again. Good times ahead… oy vey!