Unvaccinated America: Worst horror movie ever?
Hi reader! Sorry for my absence but once again the end of the semester crept up and forced me to toil away at my paying job at all hours of the day and night. And since I have yet to uncover the location of the Big Pharma Money Pot, toil away I must. Nonetheless, I am back, and the subject of today’s post is a maybe somewhat-anticipated “documentary film”, entitled “Unvaccinated America”, which is apparently in pre-production.
Now reader, I know that like me, you were hoping that this film would be a hard-hitting, objective look at how a toxic brew of Facebook and mob hysteria with a dash of NVIC and skatole can create insanity in otherwise normal-appearing people. But no. The stated objective of the movie is for the filmmakers, Helen and Orion Beaufort, to “set off on a two month road trip across the states to meet families who, like us, have decided not to vaccinate”. Toward this end, the husband-and-wife moviemaking team is attempting to employ crowdsourcing to fund their journey. In other words, they are asking anti-vax dingbats to fund their summer vacation in which they hope to meet like-minded people. One wonders why they simply do not sponsor one of those themed cruises, this one for anti-vaxxers only, and preferably one-way to Palmyra Atoll.
Nonetheless, anti-vax families all over Facebook are scurrying to get a slot on the Beaufort’s vacation schedule as well as their 15 minutes of, umm, exposure. It was therefore a crushing blow to read that to date it appears that the Beauforts have raised less than $4000 from the anti-vax community. And thus far Randy Quaid has yet to sign on, so we may have to wait another year for National Lampoon’s* Public Health Nightmare Vacation.
The one thing I simply adore about this proposed film is how it differentiates itself from other nonsensical and craptastic anti-vax propaganda films, such as The Greater Good. On the website for the movie, the filmmakers do not even attempt the charade of making a “balanced” film. Nay; instead they put all the cards on the table, making it clear that the film is to make vaccinhaters feel good about their ill-informed choice. They will discuss their superior knowledge of public health with people just like them, including such subject matter as how often anti-vaxxers get sick and how they deal with it when people around them get sick. To be honest, this sounds like the most boring vacation slideshow ever. Truly, I can only handle this type of conversation with actual relatives for about 5 minutes before I start looking for an unfenced precipice.
I do have some tips for strengthening the film, which will doubtless go unheeded. But I am nothing if not an optimist. Therefore, I would recommend that the Beauforts add the following tourist traps to their itinerary:
1. Philadelphia. Visit with scientists at the brilliant Vaccine Education Center at CHOP and learn about infectious disease from people whose knowledge of vaccines was not gleaned from Googling.
2. Boston. Visit the site of the last major smallpox epidemic in America, and the old stomping grounds of Immanuel Pfeiffer, the anti-vaxxer who believed that vaccines don’t work, waltzed into a smallpox ward and yes, you guessed it, got a vicious case of smallpox**.
3. Memphis. Visit the graves of those who died in the Yellow Fever outbreak of 1878, which ultimately killed 20,000 Americans throughout the southern United States. Yes, Yellow Fever could rather easily come back to the United States. Yes, it can kill you in high numbers. Yes, there is a vaccine for it. Yes, it works.
4. Atlanta. Visit the den of the Exemplary and Plenipotentiary Evil Science Overlords at the Centers for Disease Control (and Prevention!). Discover to your amazement that the folks who work there are intelligent human lifeforms, not brainwashed needle-frenzied robots intent on robbing your of your life, liberty, and pursuit of rubella.
5. Pittsburgh. Go to the University of Pittsburgh and celebrate 50+ years since the polio vaccine was developed by Dr. Salk. While visiting, make sure to tell the researchers there that polio “wasn’t really that bad”. It’s a real conversation-starter and would probably make for some excellent film content.
Thanks for stopping by, reader.
*Yep, still love this song. Holiday RoOoOoOoOoOoOoD…
**Not one of the vaccinated persons who attended with him got the disease.